the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
