how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
