I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
