if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
