So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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