guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
