I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
