jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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