FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
