He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
