there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
