i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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