It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
People with herpes should wear stickers.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
