I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
