literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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