Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
