You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
