There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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