You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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