I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
