Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
