Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
