We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
