I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
