Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can I color on your dick again?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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