Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
