So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
