note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
