I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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