Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
