well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
