I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
