I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
