I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My hand turned me down
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
