I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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