if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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