dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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