He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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