I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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