seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Panties = found
Randomize
