I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
