What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
