so that wasnt chicken after all
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
