I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You are a genius and a whore.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
