My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
