if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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