But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
