If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
