last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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