areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
