Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
