YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We have so much sex to catch up on
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
