i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
