they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
