So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
