TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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