Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
